Up close and personal with College Republicans

I recently had a thrilling encounter with the rare and beautiful campus conservatus at a College Republicans club meeting in Baker’s 1954 room.

I entered to find the club’s Executive Board addressing the meeting from a front desk. I made a quick head count; 40 students and maybe two or three others. It was the largest gathering of campus conservatus I had ever witnessed.

The meeting focused on local campaigns and the work the club would do for them. Jokes and comments kept the meeting lively.

My attention soon began to wander, and after about 10 minutes, I was wondering what actually went on at the post-meeting socials everyone kept referring to. That’s when I got the secret message.

“You should be more careful next time you try to practice espionage,” the voice whispered as several clipboards with volunteer sign-up sheets plopped on my lap. I looked up to find myself face-to-face with a very serious campus consvervitus.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about man,” I stammered. “I’m just a freelance journalist. Here, do you want to look at my notes?” He glanced down, apologized, and returned to his seat. My heart raced as I recorded the encounter in my notes: “conservatus thinks I’m a spy!” At the end of the general meeting I made a break for the door. My campus conservitus followed me out.

“Get some good notes in there?” He asked.

“Nothing too juicy,” I replied. We introduced ourselves and left Baker to talk on the street. My new friend was freshman Dennis Normile. He had recently looked into military service, but decided to come to OU and work for the local Republicans.

“We are very paranoid,” he said during our lengthy discourse. Apparently there had been Democratic infiltrators at previous meetings, and it would be a mistake to let, “The Enemy,” as he called them, get their hands on any campaign plans.

I decided to track down this “Enemy” and get some answers. I found him disguised as an R.A. in Bryan Hall. He is Mark Gaffney, president of the College Democrat’s statewide organization and former president of the OU Democrats.

“There has never been a spy component to our plan,” Gaffney told me. “What kind of information could we get from their meetings?”

Gaffney pointed me in the direction of current College Democrats Executive President Rob Dorans, who agreed with Gaffney, saying spying doesn’t usually occur on the local level like it does at the state or national level.

“It basically comes down to rumor and innuendo, and in this business that can mean fact,” he said. “The College Democrats and Republicans are more like rival fraternities who tear down each others signs and go over each others chalk on campus.”

Both Gaffney and Dorans said they never suspected that Republicans spy on them, though they each mentioned that the College Democrats have had to identify and remove College Republicans members on their e-mail list-serve.

So according to the Democrats, given that they can be trusted, Republicans have no reason to worry about spies. So why did I startle them so much? I decided to take my question to the top of the ladder; College Republicans President Jordan Carr, the most powerful of the campus conservitus. I tracked him down on his home turf after another College Republicans meeting.

“Everybody knows each other,” Carr told me. “There are very few secrets in campus politics.”

So, why mistake me, a college kid with a notebook, for a spy?

“Democrats have come to our meetings,” Carr said. “We have had, you know, a spy, someone who’s obviously not a Republican.”

What, do I look like Elton John or something?

Gaffney suggested the paranoia of campus conservatus may be due to their hostile environment. I agreed, after all it can’t be easy to survive in a habitat full of liberal intellectuals, pot-smoking college kids and wild-eyed lefties calling for peace and lunacy. Perhaps the Republicans have just adapted to Athens.

Then again, what does Gaffney know anyway? Partisan leaders don’t give straight answers; they say what benefits their party the most. No wonder the stories didn’t add up. The only person who was genuine with me was Dennis, even if he did think I was a spy. I decided to call him up and let him have the last word.

During my second conversation with Dennis, we discussed this piece a bit, but there was much more to talk about. We talked issues, continuing a conversation we had started after our initial misunderstanding. Together we remembered growing up Catholic and joked about partisan bickering. We dissected the drug war and neo-conservatism. I changed my mind.

Dennis, I never told you that I was anti-Republican for most of my life. I never told you that I’m an anarchist because I figured “libertarian” sounded less scary. As it turns out, none of that matters. We are just two people figuring out our world, and when we talk, I feel that the borders drawn between us vanish. Dennis, I never told you because you already knew. Thanks. •