by Travis Irvine
I’ve often thought of modern democracy as a stool. No, not that kind of stool – a stool you sit on while getting trashed at a bar. Stools usually stand on three legs – just as democracy stands on three delicious, low-fat branches of government. But what if you add a fourth leg? Well, that stool would be far sturdier, my friend, and could hold up your drunken tookus all night! Maybe for days! Woo! I heart drinkin’!
Likewise, I’ve always considered media as our democracy’s fourth delicious branch. Media can keep checks and balances over all the branches and there’s no limit as to how large it can get. It could potentially create the biggest, fattest, most beautiful stool the world has ever seen!
But lately this leg has been cut shorter than the rest, and our democracy is all kinds of wobbly bobbly. If you tried to sit on our democracy at a bar, you’d fall and look silly in front of all your friends. Mainstream media in America are missing their mark, though they’re certainly not missing their audience. In 2005, the most popular stories amongst the public didn’t focus on the federal government. Headlines were flooded with reporters’ ‘bravery’ in New Orleans, or were running away with runaway brides. And that whole Terri Schiavo deal made me want to gag and vomit until I choked!
Meanwhile, news sources from the Internet and overseas gave more focus to FEMA’s costly shortcomings, the 100,000 dead civilians in Iraq, and the overall historical incompetence of an administration and the Congress that’s supposed to check it. There was even occasional reports of how lobbyists slowly beat democracy into a bloody pulp – but no matter how many good stories you’d hear from an independent source, its quality couldn’t make up for the lack of people its message reached.
I’ll tell you what else wasn’t missing from 2005 – sports! Sports were everywhere in the media! All kinds of sports! You got sports with sticks, sports with water, and best of all, sports with balls! I love goin’ to my favorite bar, drinkin’ beer, sittin’ on a stool called democracy and watchin’ grown men play with balls! Woo! I heart drinkin’!
And let’s not forget about the entertainment world…who could ignore Hollywood’s hottest couple, Brad and Angelina, getting’ down and dirty after they made that one movie with bullets and explosions! Man, dirty celebrities, bullets and explosions are almost as sweet as sports!
Look, I love movies and I love sports. Really. I’m just questioning if the outlets of our modern media – Internet, television, radio, newspapers, magazines, etc. – are really doing all they could to inform citizens about their own democracy. Think of media once more holding the political clout they did during the American Revolution – except bigger. Instead, they’ve sold out for cheap, immature profit derived from mindless consumers who don’t know any better. And the reason these buyers don’t know is because nobody is informing them on a mass scale. Hmmm, who could possibly have the power and means to mediate this important, democratic information to the teaming masses? Who, I ask, who?!
Perhaps I judge too harshly. Television is still young and immature – barely in people’s homes for forty years. In fact, radio hasn’t even been around for one hundred years. Movies barely popular for seventy-five. And internet? Please! Internet has only been in the hands of the public for twenty years, tops! Internet is a baby. A high-powered, all-knowing little baby.
Only newspapers and magazines have been consistently a part of major societies’ social aspects for centuries. Since the dawn of the printing press, civilizations entered a new time period, that in the future will be known as A.I. (After Ink). But even this invention, the largest attributer in human history to aid social advancement, has only been in human hands for a fraction of the time humans have been on Earth. Though the oldest in the group, written mass communication has yet to mature.
I just hope that media will mature soon. Until then, our democracy will remain just a wobbly little stool, floating around, awaiting another great American Revolution to come about and flush it down. Perhaps the media will have a hand in this. Add a few bullets and explosions – someone might even watch. •
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Feb 19, 2008
Here comes Alito...
by Mike Ludwig
If you listen carefully, you can hear the screams echo from every progressive meeting, email list, and web blog within fifty miles.
AAAAAAAAAAH!
Be afraid little activist, be very afraid. Alito is coming. He is going to bomb women’s clinics with judicial activism and give anybody who listens to Ted Nugent a semi-automatic to play with. He’ll search every 10 year-old-girl for dope, spy on your uncle for sporting a Veterans Against Bush bumper sticker, and even scale skyscrapers to grab unsuspecting blondes from their penthouses.
Yes, Judge Sam Alito’s nomination could be the Bush administration’s worst attack on our shared values since, well, damn near two weeks ago. But wait, there’s hope! Remember wondering what y ou are going to do with your degree that’s costing way too much? Well, its time to meet Prominent-DC-Liberal-Think-Tank-Hey-Wanna-Hang-out? Guy! He just wants to be friends with everybody and then give out FREE super-cool glossy flyers and pamphlets about stopping Alito. The kids in the Marxist groups would totally have to pay for these. Even better, he’s got the only job your Integrated Degree in Political Arts and Linguistics Communication will ever land you, whatever it is, so you can get some great tips on having a future.
As it turns out, our options in stopping this neo-con nut are groundbreaking. At one meeting I attended we discussed the possibility of a candlelight vigil, and even tabling at College Green with all the sweet FREE stuff we get from Prominent-DC-Liberal-Think-Tank-Hey-Wanna-Hang-out? Guy. Plus, there is no way our loyal representatives in Congress could confirm Alito after their mail boxes fill with sweet FREE pre-made dissent notes signed by their college age constituents.
Now there is a problem. How are we going to get enough people to sign our sweet FREE stuff? There are thousands of students who would agree, but they are all to busy drinking and caring about other things than politics. Don’t they understand the urgency of this situation?
I confronted one of my politically apathetic friends about this issue, and even gave him one of my glossy pamphlets from Washington.
“Man, this is messed up,” he said.
“I know dude, now do you understand why I am so worried about this stuff all the time?” I said.
“Yeah, but you get stressed out because you spend so much time on it. You go to all these meetings and make a bunch of copies of stuff, but in the end some old dudes you don’t even know are going to make these decisions for you. Maybe they’ll care what you say, but probably not.”
But our flyers are so glossy…
My friend has a point.
We work far too hard to ensure our leaders make the right decisions for us, but get little in return. This can be frustrating and cause people to burn out of grassroots activism. We could be putting this energy into solving our problems on our own, but instead we throw pebbles at the institutions that attempt to solve them for us.
Samuel Alito’s appointment could be the breaking point in the Supreme Court during a crucial time in American politics. He could decide what is taught in our schools without ever meeting a student. He could make a drastic choice for millions of women, even though he is a man and has never held another life in his body. The consequences of his discretion, and those of his elite colleagues, could enter into a million nameless lives on any given day.
Perhaps this explains my friend’s attitude. It’s not apathy that keeps him from action, is hopelessness. It’s not worth it. They are too many, we are too few. They have the bombs, we have television. Sit down and go back to work.
Fortunately, we don’t all feel that way. Those of us who believe in a better future know that good things take time. Perhaps one day our wish for control over our own lives and communities will be fulfilled and we won’t have to waste our time fighting some old rich guy we’ve never met. Until then we should reconsider our habit of simply reacting to oppression, and instead take action that reduces our obedience to the top-down structure that allows it to happen in the first place.
I hope this piece made you laugh a little, for it is our ability to laugh at ourselves and our world, to admit that no one is above criticism or comedy that proves our potential. Our minds and movements are free to evolve as we discuss, disagree, overcome, and learn from each other and every passing moment. Relax. Samuel Alito’s ascendance through the ranks of the Right may give him a seat of unreasonable power, but it’s just that, unreasonable. At least we will still know what it’s like to be human. •
If you listen carefully, you can hear the screams echo from every progressive meeting, email list, and web blog within fifty miles.
AAAAAAAAAAH!
Be afraid little activist, be very afraid. Alito is coming. He is going to bomb women’s clinics with judicial activism and give anybody who listens to Ted Nugent a semi-automatic to play with. He’ll search every 10 year-old-girl for dope, spy on your uncle for sporting a Veterans Against Bush bumper sticker, and even scale skyscrapers to grab unsuspecting blondes from their penthouses.
Yes, Judge Sam Alito’s nomination could be the Bush administration’s worst attack on our shared values since, well, damn near two weeks ago. But wait, there’s hope! Remember wondering what y ou are going to do with your degree that’s costing way too much? Well, its time to meet Prominent-DC-Liberal-Think-Tank-Hey-Wanna-Hang-out? Guy! He just wants to be friends with everybody and then give out FREE super-cool glossy flyers and pamphlets about stopping Alito. The kids in the Marxist groups would totally have to pay for these. Even better, he’s got the only job your Integrated Degree in Political Arts and Linguistics Communication will ever land you, whatever it is, so you can get some great tips on having a future.
As it turns out, our options in stopping this neo-con nut are groundbreaking. At one meeting I attended we discussed the possibility of a candlelight vigil, and even tabling at College Green with all the sweet FREE stuff we get from Prominent-DC-Liberal-Think-Tank-Hey-Wanna-Hang-out? Guy. Plus, there is no way our loyal representatives in Congress could confirm Alito after their mail boxes fill with sweet FREE pre-made dissent notes signed by their college age constituents.
Now there is a problem. How are we going to get enough people to sign our sweet FREE stuff? There are thousands of students who would agree, but they are all to busy drinking and caring about other things than politics. Don’t they understand the urgency of this situation?
I confronted one of my politically apathetic friends about this issue, and even gave him one of my glossy pamphlets from Washington.
“Man, this is messed up,” he said.
“I know dude, now do you understand why I am so worried about this stuff all the time?” I said.
“Yeah, but you get stressed out because you spend so much time on it. You go to all these meetings and make a bunch of copies of stuff, but in the end some old dudes you don’t even know are going to make these decisions for you. Maybe they’ll care what you say, but probably not.”
But our flyers are so glossy…
My friend has a point.
We work far too hard to ensure our leaders make the right decisions for us, but get little in return. This can be frustrating and cause people to burn out of grassroots activism. We could be putting this energy into solving our problems on our own, but instead we throw pebbles at the institutions that attempt to solve them for us.
Samuel Alito’s appointment could be the breaking point in the Supreme Court during a crucial time in American politics. He could decide what is taught in our schools without ever meeting a student. He could make a drastic choice for millions of women, even though he is a man and has never held another life in his body. The consequences of his discretion, and those of his elite colleagues, could enter into a million nameless lives on any given day.
Perhaps this explains my friend’s attitude. It’s not apathy that keeps him from action, is hopelessness. It’s not worth it. They are too many, we are too few. They have the bombs, we have television. Sit down and go back to work.
Fortunately, we don’t all feel that way. Those of us who believe in a better future know that good things take time. Perhaps one day our wish for control over our own lives and communities will be fulfilled and we won’t have to waste our time fighting some old rich guy we’ve never met. Until then we should reconsider our habit of simply reacting to oppression, and instead take action that reduces our obedience to the top-down structure that allows it to happen in the first place.
I hope this piece made you laugh a little, for it is our ability to laugh at ourselves and our world, to admit that no one is above criticism or comedy that proves our potential. Our minds and movements are free to evolve as we discuss, disagree, overcome, and learn from each other and every passing moment. Relax. Samuel Alito’s ascendance through the ranks of the Right may give him a seat of unreasonable power, but it’s just that, unreasonable. At least we will still know what it’s like to be human. •
So Sad... it’s Funny
by Travis Irvine
For some liberals, October 28, 2005, was a new ‘day that will live in infamy.’ The Bush administration was finally given a blow when the Vice-President’s Chief of Staff, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, was indicted on two counts of perjury, two counts of obstructing justice and one count of being a grown man called “Scooter.”
On the radio, Al Franken talked about what a great day it was, while Frenchmen and hippies danced arm and arm in the streets. Birds were singing, the sun was shining, and there was much rejoicing.
The charges could not be more appropriate for someone of this administration. While the CIA leak case is not solved, and probably never will be, Libby was nailed for going in front of a grand jury and lying. Not only did he say he heard about Valerie Plame’s covert status from other reporters – when he in fact was telling reporters himself – he also tried to convince them that Plame, in his words, “totally used to be a dude.” But besides trying to play the ‘Plame Game’ – ba dom ching, thank you – Libby’s dishonesty represents something the Bush clan has become proficient at in the last four years.
These guys could write a ‘How-to’ book about lying, and Joseph Goebbels would pen the forward. They’ve lied about the War on Terror, the War in Iraq, their 9/11 foul-ups, their corporate ties, and where and how they get their money for golf games in Scotland. They’re very good. People who believe in the honesty of this administration need to be smacked in the face with a newspaper.
Hopefully, Libby’s defense that “all the cool Chiefs of Staff are doing it,” won’t hold up in court. If he is convicted, it will be one small step in restoring some honesty to the White House.
It could also provide some further insight as to why the office of the Vice-President was so involved with the leak in the first place. Perhaps they’ll find the office janitor knows every covert CIA agents’ name and has serious turrets. They wanted to fire him, but let’s face it – things would only get much worse from there.
This whole mess drives me to think of a world where the White House didn’t have to lie, and the Bush administration was up front about their mindsets and motives. The relief it could bring to everyone! They wouldn’t have to waste their time putting on a façade and the press wouldn’t have to bother deciphering it. The new policy would be to just tell it like it is.
REPORTER: What’s up with Iraq?
PRESS SECRETARY: We went to Iraq so our oil companies possess oil until the world runs out. This is to support Americans’ ridiculous consumption needs and to get rich.
REPORTER: And the War on Terror?
PRESS SECRETARY: Really just an excuse to increase military spending and invade countries we need. Once again – oil. Mainly oil.
REPORTER: And what about 9/11? What happened there?
PRESS SECRETARY: Ooo, good one. 9/11 was kinda, sorta allowed to happen so we could push through our new foreign policies involving us invading countries with oil. Come on people; not rocket science here.
REPORTER: Aren’t you worried about this getting to voters?
PRESS SECRETARY: (bellowing laughter) Voters! That’s funny. You’re funny.
The gullibility of the public really is proving to be democracy’s weakest aspect, dare I say undoing. In a government based on the public, public opinion is God, and often can be too easily manipulated or misinformed. Minds can be changed with a simple twist of words, a careful omission of facts or details, a creative generalization or euphemism. Through the power and tools of public relations and marketing, an economically driven war against a sovereign nation can turn into a fight to spread freedom. With the expansive mass media we can spread these messages faster and easier all over the country, and we can add really neat graphics to give it some sex appeal.
Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald used Libby’s own words against him. A similar process could be exercised considering all the contradictory and false statements made by members of the administration over the past four years. The list of ‘perjury’ and ‘obstruction of justice’ charges would be longer than a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Unfortunately, it’s not illegal to lie to the public.
The trials will proceed, the White House will adjust, and soon the CIA leak case will be forgotten. But hopefully by the end of it, the jury will tell Libby exactly what he deserves to hear. “Scooter, you made a bad decision. Now go to your room. And take the turrets guy with you. He’s hogging the oil.”
For some liberals, October 28, 2005, was a new ‘day that will live in infamy.’ The Bush administration was finally given a blow when the Vice-President’s Chief of Staff, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, was indicted on two counts of perjury, two counts of obstructing justice and one count of being a grown man called “Scooter.”
On the radio, Al Franken talked about what a great day it was, while Frenchmen and hippies danced arm and arm in the streets. Birds were singing, the sun was shining, and there was much rejoicing.
The charges could not be more appropriate for someone of this administration. While the CIA leak case is not solved, and probably never will be, Libby was nailed for going in front of a grand jury and lying. Not only did he say he heard about Valerie Plame’s covert status from other reporters – when he in fact was telling reporters himself – he also tried to convince them that Plame, in his words, “totally used to be a dude.” But besides trying to play the ‘Plame Game’ – ba dom ching, thank you – Libby’s dishonesty represents something the Bush clan has become proficient at in the last four years.
These guys could write a ‘How-to’ book about lying, and Joseph Goebbels would pen the forward. They’ve lied about the War on Terror, the War in Iraq, their 9/11 foul-ups, their corporate ties, and where and how they get their money for golf games in Scotland. They’re very good. People who believe in the honesty of this administration need to be smacked in the face with a newspaper.
Hopefully, Libby’s defense that “all the cool Chiefs of Staff are doing it,” won’t hold up in court. If he is convicted, it will be one small step in restoring some honesty to the White House.
It could also provide some further insight as to why the office of the Vice-President was so involved with the leak in the first place. Perhaps they’ll find the office janitor knows every covert CIA agents’ name and has serious turrets. They wanted to fire him, but let’s face it – things would only get much worse from there.
This whole mess drives me to think of a world where the White House didn’t have to lie, and the Bush administration was up front about their mindsets and motives. The relief it could bring to everyone! They wouldn’t have to waste their time putting on a façade and the press wouldn’t have to bother deciphering it. The new policy would be to just tell it like it is.
REPORTER: What’s up with Iraq?
PRESS SECRETARY: We went to Iraq so our oil companies possess oil until the world runs out. This is to support Americans’ ridiculous consumption needs and to get rich.
REPORTER: And the War on Terror?
PRESS SECRETARY: Really just an excuse to increase military spending and invade countries we need. Once again – oil. Mainly oil.
REPORTER: And what about 9/11? What happened there?
PRESS SECRETARY: Ooo, good one. 9/11 was kinda, sorta allowed to happen so we could push through our new foreign policies involving us invading countries with oil. Come on people; not rocket science here.
REPORTER: Aren’t you worried about this getting to voters?
PRESS SECRETARY: (bellowing laughter) Voters! That’s funny. You’re funny.
The gullibility of the public really is proving to be democracy’s weakest aspect, dare I say undoing. In a government based on the public, public opinion is God, and often can be too easily manipulated or misinformed. Minds can be changed with a simple twist of words, a careful omission of facts or details, a creative generalization or euphemism. Through the power and tools of public relations and marketing, an economically driven war against a sovereign nation can turn into a fight to spread freedom. With the expansive mass media we can spread these messages faster and easier all over the country, and we can add really neat graphics to give it some sex appeal.
Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald used Libby’s own words against him. A similar process could be exercised considering all the contradictory and false statements made by members of the administration over the past four years. The list of ‘perjury’ and ‘obstruction of justice’ charges would be longer than a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Unfortunately, it’s not illegal to lie to the public.
The trials will proceed, the White House will adjust, and soon the CIA leak case will be forgotten. But hopefully by the end of it, the jury will tell Libby exactly what he deserves to hear. “Scooter, you made a bad decision. Now go to your room. And take the turrets guy with you. He’s hogging the oil.”
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